The International School of Protocol
The New Etiquette: Protocols for Virtual Gatherings
By Cathleen Hanson, Director of The International School of Protocol, the leader in providing etiquette training and consultation to enhance interpersonal skills and personal effectiveness
The spring of 2020 ushered in a huge shift in our personal and social lives. Theatres closed, weddings were scaled down or postponed. Things like graduations, christenings, memorial services, quinceañeras, bar mitzvahs, and funerals took on new shapes as they moved into virtual environments.
Navigating the virtual world on platforms like Zoom, Google Hangouts, Webex, and Facebook Live has not been without challenges. In addition to issues such as internet stability, there have been amusing and not-so-amusing gaffs due to unfamiliarity with muting or turning off video. Further, a large number of people needed to embrace unfamiliar technology in order to participate in virtual gatherings. The learning curve for gathering virtually has been rapid and steep, and yet, the silver lining to the upending of pre-2020 social conventions has been an enormous expansion of possibilities for connection.
As we have shepherded in, if not embraced, this recent era of virtual gatherings, protocols for interaction in virtual space have been established. So, what does this mean for the lay user in practical terms?
Below are some guidelines for navigating virtual events.
Greetings. If you are hosting a virtual gathering, greet your guests as they enter. Since some of the energy that comes from in-person interaction is diminished from behind the screen, effective interactions in virtual space have to utilize more visual and vocal cues. Smile, speak clearly and warmly. Just like an in-person gathering, introduce people to one another.
Camera. Have your camera on most of the time. Center yourself so you are visible in the center of the screen and stay in one place. Position the device you are using so it is fixed and motionless. Movement in virtual space is amplified and distracting. A person walking around on-camera during a meeting while holding an iPad takes the focus away from the person who is speaking. If you feel a need to get close to your key commands, put your camera off so the group isn’t looking at a close-up of your nose. Better yet, memorize keystroke shortcuts so you can stay on camera when you need to unmute, and enter or exit a breakout room.
Know your technology and platform. Before a virtual gathering, become familiar with at least some of the basic features. Know how to name yourself with your given and surnames and know how to mute and unmute. Know how to put your camera on and off. Keep yourself muted unless the facilitator asks you a question, you wish to speak, or the facilitator asks the group to unmute. After unmuting, remember to mute yourself. The most serious of etiquette infractions have come from mistakenly being on camera or unmuted.
Chat. Use the chat feature with caution. Using the chat to send private messages takes your focus away from the speaker and private messages are not actually private. At the end of a meeting, the host receives a copy of the content of the chat, including messages that were sent privately to individuals. Follow the protocols a presenter provides for the use of the chat and wait for the presenter’s instructions. Keep all comments professional and don’t go off on a rant. FYI: Content in chat is broadcast orally to people who use screen readers and accordingly, they are not able to hear a person who is speaking if people are having conversations in chat.
Space. Choose a space with lighting that illuminates your face. Generally, the best results will come from lighting above you or beside you, but not behind you. Plant yourself in a suitable place, and make sure the room behind you is not distracting or overly personal. Consider the option to blur your onscreen background to conceal a messy office, a bed, or private items. If you are using a virtual background, make sure it is appropriate, professional and that your image is not floating in and out.
Eye contact. Keep your gaze on the speaker and/or toward the camera. Know where your camera is on your device and adjust your gaze accordingly, so you look like you are looking at the person who is speaking.
On time. Arrive on time or a little early.
Profile photo. If you opt to have a photo, choose one that represents you as competent and credible.
Nonverbal Communication. The meeting facilitators and meeting participants will be closely looking at your face for feedback. Smile and nod when appropriate. Look interested. And remember to keep your movement to a minimum. Eating in virtual space is not appropriate and is amazingly unattractive.
Dress. Clothing in virtual space looks different than in-person. Because only the top quarter or third of you is visible, clothing may appear to be more low-cut than it is in an in-person setting. Stripes generally don’t translate successfully into virtual space and solid colors tend to work well.
Backup plan and more. Charge your device before a meeting. Be ready for the unexpected. Have a way to reach the host if you lose connectivity and remember to enjoy these new and abundant opportunities to reconnect with old friends, learn some new things, and meet new people from all over the world.
Curb Your Cell Phone and Other Issues of Contemporary Etiquette by Cathleen Hanson
Curb your dog. We’ve all seen the signs or heard the statement. It is subject that evokes heated reactions and can make even the tamest among us less-than-civil. In essence, the issue of curbing one’s dog is about making sure your dog is not leaving behind offensive traces. To paraphrase Dear Labby, the petiquette expert, Curbing your dog means preventing him from ruining your neighbor’s gladiolas and, just generally being conscientious about your pet.
From cell phone rudeness to internet misuse, the latest and greatest technology is rife with opportunities for transgressions. And, as in the days of the first telephones or the first road- worthy automobiles, there are still a lot of wrinkles to iron out.
Here are six civility solutions.
Solution #1. Handwrite a letter. That’s right, take out a pen and your favorite stationery and begin with, Dear. What a letter says is: I’m thinking about you. Or, Thank you. Or, I have something important to tell you. Letters are a way to say, You are special to me; you are worthy of my time.
Solution #2. Use abbreviations prudently. Know your audience when it comes to text message abbreviations and acronyms. For the longest time I thought lol meant lots of love. I was amused and somewhat deflated to find out it meant laughing out loud. And what about btw? Does that stand for back-to-work, by-the-way, or bring-the-wheelchair? If your receiver doesn’t speak in acronyms, don’t use them.
Solution #3. Make a phone call. Research has found that without vocal inflection about 38% of the meaning of a message can be lost, not to mention the content that gets lost in the short-cuts inherent in text messaging. Talking voice-to-voice can clear up misunderstandings.
Solution #4. Wait before clicking send. Anything put on the internet has the possibility to be permanent, so make sure not to post things that would hurt a person’s reputation now or later. The same goes for forwarding or copying. Think twice before hitting the send button and ask yourself, does the originator of the message want her or his content shared? And use prudence when sending thought-provoking articles and sentiments. In this age of rapid-fire information, people get overwhelmed by their in-box.
Solution #5. Use honorifics. It’s safest to begin an email with, Dear Mr., Dear Ms., Dear Dr., Dear Mrs., etc. In a culture of over-familiarity, shortcuts and speedy communication, the default way to address someone should be with an honorific, such as, Mrs., followed by the person’s surname.
Solution #6. Curb your cell phone. The biggest public etiquette offender in contemporary society is the mobile device. No one wants to hear your phone conversation. If you are in the company of others and need to make or take a call, apologize profusely in advance, as in, “I’m so sorry, I am expecting a call.” A word of caution; when you do this, what you’re saying is that your impending phone call is more important than then your present company. The same goes for texting. Or, as one of the employees at the Kings Contrivance restaurant in Columbia so aptly pointed out, “The only call so urgent that it would take you away from the interaction with your companions would be the call that announces that the transplant organ you were waiting for has just been donated.”
In the same way that curbing a dog considers the sensibilities of others, so must the use of our new and rapidly changing communication technology. If you let texting, emailing or social media postings be a substitute for a conversation, an earnest greeting or a chance to get together face-to-face, you are missing out. There’s nothing like a friendly smile, a familiar voice or a warm handshake to lift our moods, and remind us of the generosity and kindness of the human spirit.
Cathleen Hanson is co-director and co-founder of The International School of Protocol, the leader in providing training to those who want to enhance their interpersonal skills and personal effectiveness in business and social relationships. The International School of Protocol provides the highest caliber of protocol and etiquette training for businesses, corporations, colleges, schools, teachers, youth and individuals.